End of the year retrospective
Also: a new skill-set and a never-ending cold
It’s the end of the year, which means it’s a time of introspection and reflection. For me, it’s a time where I’m reminded that I have a very bad memory and that most of 2022 has already slipped into oblivion and is now beyond my grasp. It should mean I live firmly in the present, but that’s not true either. Point is, this retrospective will be brief, the future is now and to celebrate click below to buy tickets to my show at Vault Festival in 2023, which is the future:
A quick non-reflective update from the here and now
You never really know how weak you are until a very mundane cold comes around and lingers in your body for the better end of a month. But, to make up for my physical weakness, I have now discovered that mentally I’m even weaker!!!! I have not managed to keep the heating off AT ALL, playing right into Putin’s hand. Anyway, back to retrospecting.
Retrospection 1: I stopped being a housemate
When I was a child I imagined this moment to be much earlier in life, but seeing as how us millennials are a generation of shattered illusions, I’m pretty excited it happened at all! I stopped being a housemate as my boyfriend and I moved into our own flat. We did the whole thing up despite zero skills, which now means I know how to do the following:
paint a wall
stand next to my boyfriend with a vacuum while he drills into a wall
paint another wall
watch as my mother cleans the kitchen while explaining to me her special soap is better than other soap because she bought it from a lady at one of those parties where women share secrets about soap
paint a skirting board
call a plumber/electrician/carpenter/literally anyone that knows how to do anything not related to, say, painting a wall or a skirting board
scrape wallpaper from the 1930s off a wall (ok, fine, hold the steamer while your boyfriend scrapes wallpaper from the 1930s off a wall, but it was a team effort see below)
Retrospection 2: I did more comedy
I’m not gonna lie, the wallpaper scraping took up a lot of time, but I spend the rest working on my third baby, my show ‘Small Deaths’ that I took up to the Edinburgh Fringe in August. (I’m calling my shows my babies for lack of pets or indeed, actual babies).
To sum up the month: I had a routine about ancient Babylon that at the start of Edinburgh Festival I thought was some of my best writing and by the end I thought was absolute horse shit. Anyway, if you want to support me putting myself through this again please come to my show at Vault Festival where I will birth the ideas that by August 29 will make want to bury my head in a pile of glass!
Retrospection 3: Sarah and Micky started a podcast
Are you listening to my podcast and if not, why not??? Rude.
I’m so glad I started this podcast, because Sarah is one of the funniest people I know and now she has to talk to me once a week and if that’s not friendship than I don’t know what is. Here’s Sarah and I saying a Festive Hello for the holidays if you want a taste 👀
We’ve had amazing guests including Jordan Gray, Jordan Brookes, Jodie Mitchell, Sean McLoughlin, Alison Spittle, Audrie Styla, Janine Harouni and many many more so please listen if you like me, Sarah Keyworth and people telling us horrific things that happened to them.
That’s it
Well, that’s really all I remember from this year. My retrospective of my retrospection is another year wasted - absolute shambles this. To close it off here are some stray observations on 2022:
Stray observations on 2022
This year has strengthened my belief that the world works on a two steps forward, three steps back basis and I genuinely don’t know what’s going on but historically, we once went from the Romans to the Middle Ages so we can actually go back in time
You are not a bad feminist if you stay away from typically masc things because doing them might kill you (for example hold drill)
Greta Thunberg continues to be braver than I have ever been in my life
The Supreme Court of the US is made up of radicalised boomers in their own weird little echo chamber trying to do a terrible rendition of Cher’s ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’
“I’m just not going to put the heating on” was a much anticipated hit single that only lasted one day in the charts (the charts are a metaphor for my life in this analogy, okay good carry on)
When too many big world things happen in a year it makes me wish I was living in a time where I would’ve never known any of it because the only news was brought once a month by nomads passing through town. If you also yearn for this kind of life, may I recommend you read the first two chapters of any fantasy fiction book as it will really scratch that itch. (DO NOT read further than the first two chapters as these stupid characters will go on an adventure and find out all sorts of terrible things)
What’s coming up?
I already told you! TWO Work-In-Progress dates at Vault Festival on February 7th and February 21st!!
Or come to one of these (all lovely nights that I like a lot):
Wednesday January 11th: Angel Comedy Social Club in Islington, London
Tuesday January 17th&31st: The Comedy Sack (my new material gig with friends) in Hoxton, London
Thursday January 19th: Comedy Cabin (debuting new material!)
Friday January 27th: Angel Comedy (one of my faves, always a good night) in Angel, London